A Tale of Two Childs

I completed a half marathon once. I half prepared for it, and finished half alive. Of 3000+ runners I came in among the last 30 or so. I did complete it, but as I was walking the last few miles, the emergency vehicles circled like vultures, knowing I would drop any minute. Since then I have had a sort of mental block about jogging. Feeling slightly like a failure, and scared to try running again- and embarrassed at how I did in the race.

Fast forward 4 years. I have a friend, Amy, who talks me into crazy things. She has the ability to sell me on the vision of a journey, and then teaching me to have a good attitude about it. Amy has completed a full marathon, and got me hooked on road biking. So anyway, she talked me into preparing and completing a half marathon, again- this time the Morgan Valley Half. \

I have decided I need to conquer this fear. The problem with this fear is that it is not like standing in line for the scary roller coaster. After the 10-30 minute wait you are buckled in and there is nothing you can do but hold on, and it will be over in 5 minutes. It is a 15 week battle of will for me- as I begin jogging again- I vacillate between the "I can do this" and "any time will beat your first time if you prepare" to the "what was I thinking?" and "I don't know if I have it in me". The official training should start May 5th- which is 12 weeks from my race.

Luckily, I have a friend in my neighborhood, Camilla, who is willing to do long runs on weekends with me- which is encouraging- and we have already started doing some of them- and I have gone 6 miles without stopping for more than a few minutes or so to stretch- which is huge for me.

The first few weekends we just jogged and increased our mileage. I was feeling really good, my knees were not hurting as much. I was increasing my mileage and pushing myself. I was feeling really good, and getting really excited.

Then more and more people wanted to jog with us and I soon realized that people who wanted a rest jogged with me at the back of the pack, and then when they were rested up joined everyone else at the front. My friend Camilla was just going slowly because my pace for a 6 miler is about 11.5 minutes, where hers is more 9 or 10. All at once I was back in the silly embarrassment of the first half- coming in- really- dead last, knowing I could have done better, but did not- then looking at my life. Thinking of all the wasted days, procrastinations etc... and wondering why I could not have pushed myself a little harder.

I had a dream this weekend that it was the morning of my second Half, and I was not prepared. I was panicking, running around, gathering my things, trying to get ready- and I woke up and realized how this is really a fear of mine- and I need to prepare for and complete this- in a manner in which I can be proud of myself.

The only thing that has changed between the feeling good about preparing for my half, and feeling extremely silly about my very effort to prepare for it- is my attitude and predominant thoughts about it. I started focusing on the negative- that I was not as good as the other ladies I am jogging with, and, facing the truth, may never be as good at running as they are.

That does not matter though, really. I am not doing this to race them, I am doing this to prove to myself that I can push myself beyond what I think I can take. I can become more than I am allowing myself, and in the long run, it is easier to live in the gray of mediocrity, than to stand out in color. It does not matter what place I come in at this race- as long as I give it everything.

So with my heart racing and that creeping feeling of anxiety in my chest, I proceed. Hoping to find untapped reservoirs of strength along the way. Wish me Luck!

Each year the Women in Business Committee nominates an award called the "Athena" award. This award goes to an outstanding woman who embodies the qualities of strength, courage, wisdom and enlightenment.

This year the winner was Meg Johnson. I have known who Meg was since Jr High. She was friends with my older brother, and frankly, I think he had a crush on her for many years. To be honest, I was jealous of her. I secretly admired her, and did not really take the chance to get to know her. She was beautiful, confident and charismatic- That Meg was cool.

Fast forward a few years. My big brother comes home and tells me that his friend Meg had been in a horrible accident and broke her neck. She was in the hospital for a long time and when she went home, my brother and I visited her occasionally on Sunday afternoons.

A situation like that is so hard- they don't want to be pitied, but you ache for them and their challenge. I did not know how to act at first, I was never comfortable around her before, she was so cool- and I- well I wasn't. Now she faced a long road and I just did not know what to do. Meg was so welcoming to us, she made me feel welcome and like my visit brightened her day. Amazing, amazing girl.

I remember seeing pages and pages of paper at her home that she was practicing writing again- as her brother once said to me "her penmanship is better than mine." She cannot hold a pen like we normally learn how to. The weight of her arm is what she uses to apply pressure to write, and she has to weave the pen through her fingers so it will stay put. Now she draws and sells her Art to fund Miss Wheelchair Utah.

Well, I got married and my brother and I stopped visiting. I ran into Meg a couple of times with work where I learned she founded Miss Wheelchair Utah, was becoming an institute teacher, was an artist and many many other neat things. Then came the 2012 Athena award.

I went to the luncheon to watch her receive her award and I realized that this girl who intimidated me years ago was now a role model for what I can be when I decide I want to be something more. She was honored with a standing ovation- and I struggled to hold back tears. What a phenomenal example of strength and courage- and an example of never giving up.

Every time I run into her- I leave with a huge smile on my face. I am so grateful for her example and her willingness to take her challenges in stride and "keep on rollin" (that is her motto). I am grateful for her willingness to accept me- and treat me as a friend- even though we did not know eachother well. I am grateful for her patience with me, as I learned how to act around the new Meg- and her making me feel at ease.

I am grateful for her art- that is hanging in my office- that reminds me that even if I face a lot of challenges- I can still create beauty in the lives of others.
She is still beautiful, charismatic and confident. That Meg, she is so cool.

2011 Child Family Top 10
1: We both stayed at the same Jobs. Caleb working Construction for RMC, Rachel working for GENCO.
2: We were blessed with 3 new nieces. Two on the McGraw side, one on the Child side.
3: We were blessed to go to St. George and Trial Lake for some vacation and family time.
4: Rachel decided to do a 100 Mile bike ride on June 4th, and is still living to compile the top 10!
5: We got to be a part of Caleb's Sister, Kasey's, wedding party in July. It was a perfect day!
6: Rachel was in another dinner theater murder mystery for Halloween. This keeps her busy so Caleb can get his schoolwork done!
7: While working full time and going to school, Caleb undertook the monstrous endeavor of replacing the siding and windows of our home, we are not quite finished but it already looks so great with Caleb's touch!
8: With Caleb's encouragement, Rachel created the website: www.shavemyheadif.com. If the website can raise enough money to pay off our mortgage, Rachel will shave her head. No, that is not a joke, check it out!
9:Caleb put together another family softball team this summer. It was way fun to do something together that he enjoys so much.
10: We could not think of a number ten. Anticlimactic, I know.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

This picture was taken in April of 2011. This is my immediate family. My parents and 4 big brothers.

Growing up, I thought I was cursed. The only girl, four older brothers. Once, for my birthday- I was probably 6ish, I asked my mom for a sister. When she told me that was not possible, I politely informed her that she could adopt. (I have always been a caring child...) In retrospect, Heavenly Father knew what he was doing by placing me in the family I have (imagine that... God, knowing what is best for me...)

I have 4 big brothers. They are all big influences in my life and phenomenal examples to me of what it means to be a good person. They are all so willing to share their time and talents with Caleb and I. Now I find that I LOVE being the only girl among 4 brothers. They all have married wonderfully talented women- who make wonderful sisters.

I love and admire those 4 great men- more than is safe to express among a group of dudes. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

So- if you don't know my spouse, he is a very talented builder. I swore we would never build a house- but we all know what happens when we say "I would never..." Since we have purchased a home, and it is not perfect to Caleb's standards he is not pleased with many things about it- I am sure we will build a house someday. Due to the economy and since he is currently still in the construction field, we have taken the opportunity to replace the windows and siding on our current house hopefully making it more tolerable for the perfectionist I love.



Attached are a couple of pictures of the progress. Caleb- who works 40+ hours a week, has 9 credit hours at school and is trying to complete this monster project continues to impress me by how hard he works. I will post progress pictures occasionally.

My friend Jacqui used the title quote from Doctrine & Covenants on Sunday. When I heard it, I recalled a situation I had in college where a roommate told me that, though her father was not very present in her life, she had always enjoyed the "finer things in life." I remember thinking at that time that though I did not always have the most expensive things or brand named clothes, the finer things in my life were not things, they are people.

My heart was filled with gratitude as I realized all of the phenomenal people that are in my life, have been in my life, and how blessed I am, this is truly far greater than the treasures of the earth. You can replace a car, you can rebuild a home, but you can never replace the people who are in your life. You can never remove what they have taught you.

So to all of the people in my life: Thank you for adding the colors to my world that make my life so rich and beautiful. I am so grateful for you- for the friendship and love that have made my life so incredibly worthwhile. You are far greater to me than the treasures of the earth.

There is an annual bike ride called Little Red Riding Hood, it takes place in Lewiston, UT (its by Logan). You can ride 35, 50, 80 or 100 miles. 100 miles, in biking, is called a Century... I did not know that til quite recently...anywho... Amy had done the 50 miler last year, and she talked to me about doing the 2011 race: she was going to do the full century this year. I wanted to, I thought training for it might be fun, and it would coincide with my fitness competition, so the timing was great, but it sold out in 16 hours.

The race was on June 4th 2011. Two weeks prior to the ride, a friend posted on Facebook that she was selling her registration for the 100 miler- It sounded fantastic, but 2 weeks notice to train for 100 mile race? Could I do it?

The Saturday before the race, Amy and I rode 27 miles. It felt great. Just me and the music, and a fantastic road bike that Amy's husband let me use... I LOVED IT! I have never loved exercising so much. I got to go about 15 MPH pretty much the whole time, and the bike was so lightweight.

My cousin offered me her road bike to ride for the century (when riding that long, it really is important to have an actual road bike), I really wanted to complete the full 100 miles, but they did have turn offs at 50 and 80... so I would just keep going, I thought, as long as I could.

The Monday before the ride: memorial day: Amy and I rode from Kaysville to Hooper and back. It was just shy of 47 miles- I was pretty tired and sore, but I loved it. I talked to some folks at the bike shop, they told me that if I did another 20 or so during the week, I would be fine. Well I came down with a cold... I was feeling pretty crappy, so I did not ride at all after memorial day.

Saturday came. Amy's hubby checked our tires and made sure we were all set (it is an all women's ride). We started. The picture is only at mile 10 or so, so we look great! ( : The first few miles Amy stuck with me. She had trained for this... we sang songs from Little Shop of Horrors to keep us busy. After the first stop, I told Amy she could ride as she wished. She would hit stops before I did, and she waited for me, that was kind of her.

I REALLY wanted to finish the century. Up to about mile 75 (I took my GPS watch to tell me where I was at) the ground was fairly level. It was a beautiful day and I thought- as long as the course stayed the way it had the first 75 miles, I could make it. Shortly after the turn off to mile 80 the rolling hills started... At about mile 84, my battery died to my GPS watch, and at about mile 86, ( I asked someone how far we were) my abdomen started cramp. My body was protesting my continued riding. I told it, though, that the only way to end the madness, was to go back the way we came.

I finished the full century! Overall with stops it was 8 hours and 50 minutes. Actual ride time was about 6 hours 50 minutes. And I burned about 4400 calories ( : I had so much fun! The next day I was pretty sore and tired, but I could hardly believe that I had completed a full 100 mile bike ride!

Amy helped put it in perspective as we hit the 50 mile mark. She told me: no matter how far you go, it is the furthest you have ever gone. That was a great perspective. Even if I did 50 miles, that would have been more than I had ever completed at one time. It kept me moving forward as my body protested my continuing existence. I guess that it how it is with life. No matter where you are at, you have never known as much as you do today. Even if today is really lousy, and you are not in a good place, your journey has taught you lessons that only living to this point could, and you can take those mistakes, learn from them and recognize the strength you have gained from the journey.

Thanks Amy, for talking me into this madness. I learned a lot about what I can accomplish if I just keep on pushing, even when it is painful. I LOVE road biking. Perhaps I will continue. Just another fun thing to add to my list for this phenomenal year.