A Tale of Two Childs

I found this card at the Hallmark store, it made me laugh out loud, so I got it for Caleb for Caleb day. Hopefully what I ordered will be here for him tomorrow! Inside it just says "Totally." Wishing everyone a safe and happy Caleb Day. Especially Caleb!

Each year Caleb's family does a trip into the Uintah mountains - to a place called Trial lake. It is only open about 2 months of the year. That is the view out the window of our tent. I love going to Trial Lake. One of the neat parts about it is: No cell phone service. You are completely cut off from technology and the rest of the world, and this year, I was looking forward to the peace and quiet. This was a fun trip. Caleb likes to get sunflower seeds and feed the chipmunks. This year they got a little friendly, so Caleb tried a little experiment: Yeah, we are lucky he did not come home with rabies. Caleb's brother and his wife braved the risks and brought their cute, almost 1 year old daughter with us. She sure was a lot of fun, and kept us all really busy. Turns out a canoe is a nice make-shift play pen. Great Family, Great food, great fun and great outdoors. I love Trial Lake.

I completed my second half marathon on 07/28. I finished in 2:29:24. That is about 45 minutes faster than my first half! Perhaps cause I actually trained. This really was a battle of will for me. I am grateful that I was able to complete it. I would like to start learning how to run a faster mile, and maybe do another one...someday. It may take me 4 years to get the courage to try this again! The big issue is measuring my time against someone else's time. The woman I was training with- who is 3 years older than me and has 5 kids - completed a different half (the top of Utah Half) in 1:53. Nearly 40 minutes faster than I. But this was not about her, nor was it about winning. It was about proving to myself that I am better than I was. That I earned a better time, that my hard work and preparation paid off, and that I challenged myself and completed something difficult. That I did not give up. From miles 2-6.5 someone had placed intermittent posters on road signs with motivational running quotes, those got me through the first half of the race! There was one quote I remember "the moment you forget you are running is the moment your run begins" Given that definition, I am not sure that I have ever been on a run in my lifetime!!! I really enjoyed it overall. I am grateful to my friend Amy for talking me into these things! I am glad that I completed it, and hope one day to get a better time! For now, I have to feel good about what I accomplished, and look forward to the new challenge: A Mini Triathalon!

We got to go to St. George again this year. Each year we like to get in a game of tennis. I know Caleb looks like he is about to punish me with that raquet, but he was just trying to get an action shot for the photographer! While we were there this year, I found out my cute Grandma B. passed away. She is my Mother's Mother, and was my last living grandparent. What I loved, and will always remember about her, is that you always knew she loved you. No matter how long it was since you last talked, no matter how lousy you felt about yourself, she would always say "I just love this kid" and "I am so glad that you came to see me" or "I am just tickled that you thought to call me today." She was also very talented vocally and with the piano. She learned a method called chording, that is not used much anymore, but I loved singing with her at the piano. One time I sang a Christmas Carol for her, and she liked it so much, she asked me to sing it again! I think that was the most sincere compliment that I have ever gotten about singing. I sure will miss her. I am grateful I know that the end of this life is only the beginning of another journey. She and my Grandpa are together now- Til we meet again!

We got to go to California in May! We visited Disneyland and California Adventure! My brother, his wife, Caleb and I had fun thinking of fun things to do on the ride pictures, Caleb even practiced his face! I enjoyed this one, it was hard to hold when free falling on the tower of terror! Caleb and I saw a really short line for this ride, and we hopped in, we should have learned when we tried to ride together on the Matterhorn 4 years ago, that we would not fit!!! But some mistakes are fun to make again...fun and a little painful... We got to eat at Ruby's on the pier. My brother and sister in law have been together since high school, and are still darling together. I really admire their love for eachother. So Cute! We also got to attend our first Major League Baseball game, the Angels vs. Padres at Petco stadium. I LOVED it. I had so much fun! We also got to spend some time at the beach! Isn't that the happiest Picture ever??? That is my cute Niece. We had a lot of fun, but most of all, it was just good to be with my Caleb.

I completed a half marathon once. I half prepared for it, and finished half alive. Of 3000+ runners I came in among the last 30 or so. I did complete it, but as I was walking the last few miles, the emergency vehicles circled like vultures, knowing I would drop any minute. Since then I have had a sort of mental block about jogging. Feeling slightly like a failure, and scared to try running again- and embarrassed at how I did in the race.

Fast forward 4 years. I have a friend, Amy, who talks me into crazy things. She has the ability to sell me on the vision of a journey, and then teaching me to have a good attitude about it. Amy has completed a full marathon, and got me hooked on road biking. So anyway, she talked me into preparing and completing a half marathon, again- this time the Morgan Valley Half. \

I have decided I need to conquer this fear. The problem with this fear is that it is not like standing in line for the scary roller coaster. After the 10-30 minute wait you are buckled in and there is nothing you can do but hold on, and it will be over in 5 minutes. It is a 15 week battle of will for me- as I begin jogging again- I vacillate between the "I can do this" and "any time will beat your first time if you prepare" to the "what was I thinking?" and "I don't know if I have it in me". The official training should start May 5th- which is 12 weeks from my race.

Luckily, I have a friend in my neighborhood, Camilla, who is willing to do long runs on weekends with me- which is encouraging- and we have already started doing some of them- and I have gone 6 miles without stopping for more than a few minutes or so to stretch- which is huge for me.

The first few weekends we just jogged and increased our mileage. I was feeling really good, my knees were not hurting as much. I was increasing my mileage and pushing myself. I was feeling really good, and getting really excited.

Then more and more people wanted to jog with us and I soon realized that people who wanted a rest jogged with me at the back of the pack, and then when they were rested up joined everyone else at the front. My friend Camilla was just going slowly because my pace for a 6 miler is about 11.5 minutes, where hers is more 9 or 10. All at once I was back in the silly embarrassment of the first half- coming in- really- dead last, knowing I could have done better, but did not- then looking at my life. Thinking of all the wasted days, procrastinations etc... and wondering why I could not have pushed myself a little harder.

I had a dream this weekend that it was the morning of my second Half, and I was not prepared. I was panicking, running around, gathering my things, trying to get ready- and I woke up and realized how this is really a fear of mine- and I need to prepare for and complete this- in a manner in which I can be proud of myself.

The only thing that has changed between the feeling good about preparing for my half, and feeling extremely silly about my very effort to prepare for it- is my attitude and predominant thoughts about it. I started focusing on the negative- that I was not as good as the other ladies I am jogging with, and, facing the truth, may never be as good at running as they are.

That does not matter though, really. I am not doing this to race them, I am doing this to prove to myself that I can push myself beyond what I think I can take. I can become more than I am allowing myself, and in the long run, it is easier to live in the gray of mediocrity, than to stand out in color. It does not matter what place I come in at this race- as long as I give it everything.

So with my heart racing and that creeping feeling of anxiety in my chest, I proceed. Hoping to find untapped reservoirs of strength along the way. Wish me Luck!

Each year the Women in Business Committee nominates an award called the "Athena" award. This award goes to an outstanding woman who embodies the qualities of strength, courage, wisdom and enlightenment.

This year the winner was Meg Johnson. I have known who Meg was since Jr High. She was friends with my older brother, and frankly, I think he had a crush on her for many years. To be honest, I was jealous of her. I secretly admired her, and did not really take the chance to get to know her. She was beautiful, confident and charismatic- That Meg was cool.

Fast forward a few years. My big brother comes home and tells me that his friend Meg had been in a horrible accident and broke her neck. She was in the hospital for a long time and when she went home, my brother and I visited her occasionally on Sunday afternoons.

A situation like that is so hard- they don't want to be pitied, but you ache for them and their challenge. I did not know how to act at first, I was never comfortable around her before, she was so cool- and I- well I wasn't. Now she faced a long road and I just did not know what to do. Meg was so welcoming to us, she made me feel welcome and like my visit brightened her day. Amazing, amazing girl.

I remember seeing pages and pages of paper at her home that she was practicing writing again- as her brother once said to me "her penmanship is better than mine." She cannot hold a pen like we normally learn how to. The weight of her arm is what she uses to apply pressure to write, and she has to weave the pen through her fingers so it will stay put. Now she draws and sells her Art to fund Miss Wheelchair Utah.

Well, I got married and my brother and I stopped visiting. I ran into Meg a couple of times with work where I learned she founded Miss Wheelchair Utah, was becoming an institute teacher, was an artist and many many other neat things. Then came the 2012 Athena award.

I went to the luncheon to watch her receive her award and I realized that this girl who intimidated me years ago was now a role model for what I can be when I decide I want to be something more. She was honored with a standing ovation- and I struggled to hold back tears. What a phenomenal example of strength and courage- and an example of never giving up.

Every time I run into her- I leave with a huge smile on my face. I am so grateful for her example and her willingness to take her challenges in stride and "keep on rollin" (that is her motto). I am grateful for her willingness to accept me- and treat me as a friend- even though we did not know eachother well. I am grateful for her patience with me, as I learned how to act around the new Meg- and her making me feel at ease.

I am grateful for her art- that is hanging in my office- that reminds me that even if I face a lot of challenges- I can still create beauty in the lives of others.
She is still beautiful, charismatic and confident. That Meg, she is so cool.